I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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