went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
