u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
