so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I had to cum in my sink.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
