tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
