bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
