I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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