Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
