we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
