Nicole vs. Life
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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