hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
