We named our party play list daddy issues
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
