I heard we made out
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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