I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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