i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
