I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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