Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
