O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
