I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
