Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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