I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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