I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
