Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
