Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
