chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
