just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
