We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
