Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.