the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest