"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.