I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline