i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.