i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Everyone says I win the strip club
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
is it fun? or sober?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
