You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE