Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
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Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
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I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.