They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.