Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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