They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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