I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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