bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
