after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
