I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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