You don't have asthma, your pregnant
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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