I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
