just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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