what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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