if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
