your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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