This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
