i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
