i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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