The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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