i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
