She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
