I'm lost and stupid without you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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