Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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