And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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