; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
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There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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