So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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