the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
