This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you traded sex for a burrito?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
