just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
