sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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