Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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