If that was your dad, he is hot
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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