In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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