My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
