I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize