My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
