Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You've changed since you got that strap on
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
