On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
