I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
