woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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