Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
