meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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