I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
