what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
