Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
