You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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