Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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