If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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