You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
