yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
