I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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