i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
