i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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