It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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