WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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