I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
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Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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