All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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