Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
