HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
