I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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