You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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