you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
