guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
